I'm having an introspective day. On these days, it can either go up or down hill, but it rarely stays right in the sacred middle ground. Unfortunately for me, about 2 blocks from my home I saw the most horrific deer/fence accident and nearly turned my car into a bridge embankment to avoid the sight. "Oh that's not good at ALL," I thought as I sped up to get to the Bloody Mary I knew I would need to guzzle to recover from it.
To make things worse - Christy Trivia Alert! - I make foul Bloody Marys. Really, they're bad.
Anyhoo, the day got worse. I have two active stalkers right now, one more dangerous (I think, but who knows?) than the other. I guess I could look at the positive side and think, "hey, I've still got it," as I chicken strut Mick Jaggerish around in my 10 year old mom jeans and faded Northstars sweatshirt in my kitchen. All fun imagery aside, let's just not deal with the stalkers right now because this one would be what my or any therapist would term "a trigger" for bad emotions.
So, back to scheduled programming: As I was driving on my as-yet undefined introspective day, I noticed every song being shuffled by my iPod seemed to have such meaning to me. Silly, laughable meaning. Even as I was thinking, "My iPod really gets me today. Something is speaking to me. I should listen to this, louder even...." I was kind of laughing at myself.
So here's what was going on in the car after dropping the kids off, all running together fast through my mind:
"We're only a phone call from our knees..."Oh wow, that's so true, I mean you never know when someone could just up and die on you and you should really be aware of that as you go through life and "When I said I'd take it, I meant as is..." totally, I always do and why doesn't anyone ever believe me? I'm not that much of a bullshitter. "And still I fear I said too much, my silence is my self defense..." Maybe that's why I have communication issues. "All your life is just a shame, shame, shame, now darlin, you don't wanna waste your life..." Oh no, I wonder if that's somebody trying to send me a message through my iPod like that Bruce Willis movie where his wife died and he heard her through the radio. Or was that Bruce? Maybe another guy, because he was in Sixth Sense, would he do two movies like that? "These days I think alot about all the things I forgot to do, and all the times I had the chance to..." I wonder if I'm going to be thinking that more and more now. "I woke up in the ditches and I hit the light and thought you might be there, but you were nowhere to be found, no, you were no where near home..." yeah, I know about that sucka. "No right mind could wrong be, this many times. A memory is cruel, Queen of Attention to Details, defending intentions if he fails..." I should be more detail oriented, I didn't spellcheck my notes from that last phone interview.
Yep, and then I saw the deer on the fence and had a sucky Bloody Mary and the stalkers started biting at my heels and I slid down the hill.
The End.
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